BC DAY -1

Breast Cancer Day -1

So, I was been diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma 2 weeks ago. It sounds deathly serious when you say it like that, but basically what it means is that I have a tinge of cancer in my left breast. Ok, I know I sound annoyingly flippant about the whole diagnosis and my 'sick' (pardon the pun!) sense of humour may not appeal to all of you poor souls who have nothing better to do than read my crazy ramblings-on. However, let me warn you...my sense of humour (or lack thereof) tends to increase with the speed at which I write.


Strangely enough, the most common question that I have been asked regarding my diagnosis has been, 'What made you go for a check-up?'. Well, therein lies the miracle... Without any protruding lumps in my breasts (Actually, some may call my breasts little lumps!), skin lesions or any of the other well-known symptoms, I visited my GP for repeat prescriptions of other drugs that I'm on (and you thought I was naturally so calm, cool and collected?). I casually mentioned that my breasts had suddenly ballooned (much to my delight! Whoohoo, a cleavage, finally!). However, it was the casual mention of a slight discomfort under my arm and in the general area of my now ample left bosom, that sent her into a frenzy, insisting that I make an appointment for a mammogram that very day. Mmmm, a tad over-zealous, I thought, but decided to humour the little lady doc and test the financial liquidity of my Discovery Medical Aid benefits!


Needless to say, having a mammogram is not the most pleasant experience you want to undergo at 3pm on a Thursday afternoon. Well, I guess if it was, a lot more women would be doing it much more regularly and identifying the evil that is breast cancer a whole lot sooner, as well as eradicating it with a lot less pain and angst!


Well, let me tell you that having your breasts pulled and prodded and then placed on a ice cold slab of metal, while another ice cold metal sheet descends to trap your little breast in it's icy vice-grip, gives foreplay a whole new meaning!


Finally freeing my violated breasts from the x-ray machine, I lay on a gurney waiting for the doc to perform an untrasound scan. Fortunately for me, my modesty was satisfied, when a pleasant and friendly female doctor walked in, reassuring me that the normally ice-cold gel that is applied, has been kept warm so less discomfort....or so I thought!
At that particular moment in time, my irrepressible hot flushes made their appearance and as a result the now warm gel (which would have been most pleasant after all of my recent icy encounters), just melted all over my steaming, hot torso leaving a sickly, gooey mess on the pretty pink floral gown I wore. The poor lady doctor was most distressed that this turn of events at which I just resignedly sighed!


Being the professional that she was, she proceeded to scan the offending breast with brisk efficiency. It was then that she noticed an unusual mass or 'density' which she drew my attention to on the monitor. Truthfully, all I saw were different shades of grey shadows, but I nodded sagely, refusing to admit my ignorance.


Before I could even say supacalfragalisticexpilaotious, she was performing a biopsy, pricking me with needles filled with local anaesthetic (together with the promise of it being painless, like a visit to the dentist!)  Well, that should have been a dead giveaway! When has a visit to the dentist ever been painless? Being the poor sap, at the mercy of the expert doctor, I went with it only to feel the most uncomfortable prick (yup!) followed by a loud snapping sound very similar to that of an industrial stapler! I later found out that the sound is a lot scarier than the actual extraction of breast tissue, yeah right!


So, 3 days later I receive a call from the doc, who is very friendly and accommodating, even offering to open up her practice the next day just to suit my busy schedule. I realise now that I can be quite dense, 'opening the practice just for me'? Wow, I must have really impressed her with my friendly charm and good behaviour on the x-ray machine...being positive all the time can sometimes make you look like a real fool, I realised :-)
To the lovely doctor's credit, she was wonderful, in fact she appeared to be more distraught than I was when she delivered the condemning diagnosis. After giving her a reassuring hug and promising to 'talk about it' and to ask for help and support, I left.


Spreading the word about the latest development in Van's life, appeared to be relatively quick! I guess, I've become the subject of great interest to the loving people in my life...perhaps because my colourful life has just been so fraught with new developments that they just cannot help themselves :-)


I suppose the flippancy has been quite evident in my portrayal of the sequence of events, however I must admit that after leaving the doc's rooms, I was gripped by pure terror! My terror, however was not about facing mortality, it was far worse! I had to now destroy every semblance of 'normality' and 'contentment' that my two kids had attained over the past 8 traumatic years in one statement, 'I have breast cancer.' Believe it or not, I firmly believe that this is just a blip on the screen , a pothole on the road of my life's journey, a glitch....ok, you get the message! My kids and I have been through so much more than this...losing the love of my life and the amazingly wonderful father of my babies, was far worse, especially since they had lost their grandparents in the same period of 3 years, leaving me a widowed orphan!


But nothing prepared us for the total onslaught of love, support and red wine that we received once the news spread! I have been inundated with phone calls, visits, prayers that no one person can ever be worthy of. The visit to the breast surgeon's office was in itself an absolute experience! We created a real stir when my friend, arrived from London, together with my school friend and my cousin, invaded the surgeon's consulting rooms!


The blessings that we have received still leaves me stunned! What it has done, is reaffirm my faith and srengthen my determination to beat this sucker and get on with the task of living, loving and giving back to all those who haven't had the good fortunate of the support of loving friends and family that we have had :-)


So, tomorrow is Breast Cancer Day One (BC1), when I undergo a lumpectomy (really? a LUMPectomy? They couldn't come up with a more impressive word for it?) and should be lapping up the luxurious ambience of Parklane Hospital for the next 3 days...watch this space!

What Do You Mean, Life Isn't Fair?

Today,most often we try to shield our kids from disappointments and failures. Just speak to a parent of pre-primary or primary school kids and they will tell you how much more onerous it has become to make sure that no kids is disappointed in any way. If you bring a Valentine's card, you must bring one for the entire class. If you pass out invitations to a birthday party at school, you need to invite everyone. Every kid at the end of the term receives an award or a trophy, regardless of whether it states 'Shows Promise' or  'Most Beautiful Smile'! Seriously??

While I am a great proponent of building self-esteem in kids at a very early age, and the fact that I would hate to see disappointment on any child's face, I have realised that this kind of behaviour, unfortunately doesn't prepare them very well for real life when they become adults.

I can vividly remember whining to my Mum; " That's not fair, she's got a new dress and I don't!"And true to form, my Mum responded, "Well, get used to it. Life isn't fair!"
Ain't that the truth!

Believe me, I really wish it were! I wish that my children didn't have to lose their Dad at such young ages, or their grandparents within 3 years of each other, and that everyone in the world had enough to eat, all of the time, and that no one was ever disappointed or scared or sick or sad. I truly wish that with all of my heart.

But unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. The world we live in rewards hard work and perseverance, followed by more hard work and more perseverance, followed by (you guessed it...), more hard work and perseverance! To top off all the hard work and prseverance, the world also expects you to keep your emotions in check, stay positive and ride out the challenges. Whew! It's no wonder I'm so exhausted at the end of the day!

But I guess if there is anything that we should teach our kids is that;

• Life is unfair, deal with it!
• You always have a choice, its the repercussions that you need to take into account
• Keep your emotions in check, especially those ones that make you jealous, envious and mean
• Work hard at being positive (it certainly isn't easy!), its the only thing that makes every morning a pleasure to wake up to
• And if you really want to stack the deck in your favor, you need to throw in a little planning and strategizing along the way.

That is the path to success, and of course what we all want for our children.

 

Ed: I would love to receive your comments...positive and negative :-)

Another Day, Another Deed

Well it's another Monday, day of opportunity to make a difference! I can remember when Monday's were dreadful, full of angst about what the disasters the week would bring. Not this Monday, on this day I have decided that I would do at least one good deed to start the week off! There is absolutely nothing else on earth that fill the soul as watching the face of a little child light up after receiving an unexpected gift. If giving is such a soul-fulfilling act, why is that so few of us do it? Why is that we have join a committee before we can commit to giving back to others? Why is the most common excuse, that of lack of time? Believe me, I am just as guilty of these transgressions against humankind. Sadly, it appears that we forget that belong to a community of human beings who are largely dependant on each other in very specific or even remote ways, however, we are connected to each other! This is either by divine intervention or evolutionary pre-disposition. Yet on a daily basis we go about our lives without a thought to how we could influence the plight of our fellow beings. Can this be construed as self-preservation or selfishness?