I would like to celebrate all those blessed people who love & care.

 Some have never known the pain & joy of giving birth, but it hasn't made them any less of a mother...to their pets and to their nephews & nieces. The unconditional love they shower their loved ones with sometimes outshine even biological mums.

To the Dads who have had to be mothers to their children by raising them on their own & ensuring that their lives overflow with love & care.

To the many grandmothers who lovingly sacrifice their own freedom of motherly duties...because they want to & for most...because they have to! I salute these stalwarts who persevere despite their health challenges & their financial constraints, all because they love & care.

To all those single mums, who don't have the time to see the heroes that they are, because they're too busy loving & caring...sacrificing their own personal needs & wants without ever seeing it
it as sacrifice!

I salute all the 'mothers' who have formed the biggest support group in the world, without even realising it, who rally together to support the mum who has lost her children, to support the woman who becomes a widow, the woman that gets diagnosed with cancer  or  the woman who has problems with her teenagers!  Thank you for your unflagging love & care.    

And to those mothers who have lost their child or even worse their children. I stand by you, and pray with you as you still love & care, because being a mother doesn't ever come to an end. It's a gift that we have been given that makes us a part of the biggest support group in the world regardless of who we are, our race, colour or status in life.

Embrace it! You are after all the epitome of love & care

Happy Mothers Day

Mummy's Baby Girl turns 21!

To my 21 year old daughter, Yulisha

I can’t believe that my little girl is grown to be a beautiful 21 year old woman. It seems to me as if it was just yesterday when your dad held you in his hands with tears in his eyes.

I love being your mother because I love seeing your smile of delight when you learn something new. I love when you curl up next to me on the couch. I love hearing you laugh. I love the silly pranks you pull, and the thoughtful gestures you do that take my breath away. I love seeing your talents develop. I love watching you grow into a beautiful young woman…

Where has the time gone? There are moments I still feel you dancing in my belly, nuzzling your tiny face into the nape of my neck as I burp you. The smell of dried milk and baby powder on your skin.

You are and will always be my baby, my angel. 

You have always been bold, intelligent and strong. You are also very sensitive to rebuffs and judgements that you perceive from others. But I know that you understand the weaknesses of others and know to take control of a situation.

You always want to talk at night.  Some nights we laugh and talk a lot.  But there are many nights I really don’t feel like telling my stories or listening to yours.  You’re a smart girl and you pick up on this.   I want you to know how sorry I am for the times I fail you.  Parents are not perfect, and in fact, we’re the ones who often screw things up the most.  I am so sorry for all the times I ever screwed up. Even during those times, however, my love for you was boundless!  

A friend of mine, said recently that she doesn’t know if she could be a mum. She hears the stories of kids throwing temper tantrums, pooping or peeing in places they shouldn’t be, monopolizing their parents’ time—and their sleep!—and she thinks, “I don’t want that!” Based on that information alone, I don’t blame her.

PLAY VIDEO

Comical, yes, but the most accurate summation of parenting I’ve heard.

From a little girl, you have always asked questions. Don’t ever stop! When you stop asking questions you think you know all the answers.   Or when you no longer doubt and think you’ve got it all together?  Well, that’s a bad and a blind place to be.   It means you’ve fallen for the lie and the worst trick in the book, pride.  At that point, you haven’t escaped doubt, you’ve embodied it.  For pride is merely arrogant doubt disguised as confidence.

You are a leader, you listen to your needs and you are not afraid to make them known. I honor that about you. I knew this about you before I ever saw your face. 

Finally, when it was time you came with ease, quickly and gracefully. You eased out of me with your perfectly round head and gorgeous face. You are a quiet, observant spirit but also a brave dare-devil. You take your time sometimes and others you jump in, completely. 

My favourite times with you have been when you would follow me around the house sharing all the events of your day, until you realised that some of the stories could be used against you. But that didn’t stop you from still sharing them with me! For that I am so grateful!

You loved your daddy, oh did you love your daddy! Just know that he adored you!  I’m thankful for that—that you had beautiful times with your daddy. Every girl deserves a daddy. I’m just so sorry that you didn’t have more time with him. You have had a man in your life who has set the bar for the rest.

Don’t settle for anyone less! 

You have always loved to dress yourself. It hasn’t always been the success you imagined it to be. Especially when the Principal of the Nursery School called your Dad and I for a meeting. She was concerned that you were being neglected in comparison to your brother who was always impeccably dressed.  What they didn’t know was that you wanted so much to be as cool as your brother, so you wore his big shorts and T- shirts to school when we all left for work!

I know you love your brother and he loves you. But I have never seen arguments escalate the way you and his do, yet you make up faster than the fights first ignite.

You are yin and yang, a perfect balance.

I hope you always stay this way. Fight and make up, always make up, please. I feel blessed to watch vicariously as you intertwine your lives as brother and sister, as friends. You have a partner, a witness to your life in each other. Take care of your relationship, your bond. Love each other and hold your differences as a gift not a disadvantage. Help one another through life and never leave or hang up without an ‘I love you.’ 

Your favourite line is, “I can do it by myself.” Yes, I know you can, but sometimes let others help you. It is a lesson I am still learning myself, but it does us some good to let go of responsibility from time to time. It was quite apparent that you and Kirshen can indeed ‘do it yourself’ when I travelled overseas for an extended period.

Speaking of our similarities, you certainly have my moodiness and temper. I  guess I got a taste of my own medicine. 

There is just something about you. Something out of this world and I respect it. I always will. I promise to support you in whatever you decide to do in life because I know it is your journey to have.

Whatever you do and wherever you go, I will hold your hand like I do right now, and I will walk with you. I miss your tiny hand intertwined in mine, when I could wrap my pinkie finger around your wrist as you hopped and skipped everywhere.  Nothing ever stays the same, except for one thing: my boundless love for you. 

 I am just grateful you chose me to be your mother. I waited for a very long time for you, my kindred spirit. 

I love how you express yourself in your art, and poetry! You are a multi-faceted individual with so many talents and all I want is for you to know just how special you are. You have so much to share with and possibly heal the world.

When I walk passed your room and find you singing, or reading a book, I hope you always stay this happy. 

The words ‘All the sand in the sea’ were coined by your father and I. Every time we said I love you, the other asked ‘how much?’ Our response would be ‘I love you all the sand in the sea.’ I love you, Yulisha, all the sand in the sea! Your brother and you are the loves of my life. Being your mum has been the greatest gift of my life. Raising you to fulfil your purpose in life, has been my purpose.

I’m not worried about you, because you know what you are doing, even when you don’t think you do.

You will always be safe, you will always be protected, and you will always be loved.

Go adventure, be brave, be bold, be courageous because you are meant to discover, to create, to learn, to experience it all and I will love you every step of the way, no matter what. 

You are and always will be the light in my life. I love you all the sand in the sea.

Mummy

YOU are a hero!

Everyday heroes come from all circumstances, continents, and walks of life. They contribute to the goal of ending poverty through their voices, their time, their money, their collaboration, and their passionate commitment to a more just world.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Noooo, it’s…YOU! A hero that is powerful enough to change lives, to make your family proud, to support your loved ones for life and beyond!

Did you even know that there's a hero residing inside of you? Every once in a while, though, we come across real-life heroes. Not those whose jobs are heroic by nature, like teachers, firefighters, nurses, doctors or policemen. But your average, un-extraordinary person, who does an extraordinary deed which positively impacts someone's life. Oops, I apologise…knowing some of you I can without a shadow of a doubt proclaim you as super- extraordinary or in some case just plain weird!

Yes, I am talking to YOU! The person who heard my plea for help, not just with your eyes (by reading my blog, texts, emails) or ears (plaintive phone calls) but mostly with your HEART!

 

 

 

I THANK YOU AND I SALUTE YOU,

 

on behalf of the 100 cancer-challenged people at the Charlotte Maxeke Hospital, who each received a hamper filled with food and gifts on this day, Thursday, 13 December 2012.
I sincerely wish that I was eloquent enough to capture the experience in a way that you all could understand what it felt like to meet and engage with 100’s of people of various ages, race and gender. On average there about 120 patients on a daily basis at the Oncology Department. All of them dealing with the ‘Big C’ in their own indomitable way. Indomitable, since most of them have arisen at 4am to catch various taxis to get them to Charlotte Maxeke Hospital, to patiently wait their turn in never-ending lines.

Even though the five dedicated Oncologists on duty only arrive at 11am from their own practices, the patients need to get in line for their blood tests, consult with their doctors and then proceed to the treatment room for their chemotherapy. Sadly, many parents have to bring their children in with them. Strewn all along the corridors outside the Oncology Department, were children of all ages, with their coloring books and crayons (handed out by the nurses), babies lying on blankets on the floor and care-givers waiting patiently to help the cancer-challengers get back home.

I have never felt so small, so insignificant in the face of the patients standing in line to receive their hampers. The very first woman, just fell into my arms crying. Her tears were those of immense gratitude at receiving a hamper valued at R 150. As the many faces passed through, faces wreathed in incredible smiles, some in pain caused by their illness and even more in tears, I realized that the 100 hampers were not anywhere near enough to alleviate the distressing situation.

My goal was to reach at least 300 people before Christmas, bestowing upon them the food hampers donated by YOU our generous Heroes. With the assistance and support of the un-winged angels of the PLWC (People Living with Cancer) Organisation, Susan Elder and Chris Olivier, YOU and I were able to make a difference in a number of peoples’ lives today.  I know that with more and more Superheroes arising, we can continue to make a difference and not just reach my goal but exceed it by far.

 

Have you ever noticed how many successful superhero movies there are? Iron Man, X-Men,  Batman; Spiderman. What makes them so powerful and popular? Is it because people like seeing good prevail over the baddies? Or do people like the idea that there are others who have the ability to make a difference in the lives of the less fortunate?

Yes, so you cannot climb walls, hang upside down and kiss your girlfriend without drooling; or become invisible when you spot the nosy neighbor who wants to chat at 6 in the morning; or rescue the damsel in distress who just missed her taxi and is late for work…and so on & so on…

But do you realise how easy it is to be a hero to people in need of help? All it takes, my friend, is action. You don't need any superpowers, you don't need any special degrees, and you don't need be in government or a highly-paid CEO. All you need is a passion for helping others.

But it all starts with taking action. Will there be critics? Of course.
And never forget, that for every critic, there will be 99 success stories or more that consider you to be their hero. That's why they are critics and you are the hero.

That is the path every one of us must take. We must choose to be a leader in our life-paths, whether you are mother, a father, a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, a butcher, a baker or a candlestick maker.  Be a leader. Add extreme value to the world and help as many people as you can. Have faith in your ability to do so. Take massive action. Never give up on what is important to you.

As tough as it might seem, you'll find out how easy it is to go from zero to Superhero in no time at all…and find it so rewarding. Make the world a better place.

To support the Hampers for Cancer-Challenged Families:

Please send me your details  (vanitha@betrained.co.za) together with the number of Hampers you would like to donate. If you would like to make a donation, in lieu of a gift, please include the details of your recipient as well.

Thank you so much! May you and your family always be blessed.
Account: VS Pillay
Bank: ABSA
Account No: 9263212140
Savings Account
Reference: Your name

 

 

'Tis the Time for Giving

December Holiday Season is a time for Giving

 

 

Whether you call it the holiday season or Christmas, I think it’s safe to say that it is a time for spending with family and showing your loved ones that you care.  It is also the time of the year to give to those in need and to be charitable. Even though there are many of us that have charities that we regularly donate to already, there are those who do not.

 

Since time is the most valuable resource we have and we never seem to have enough of, being charitable can fall lower and lower on the rung of people’s priorities. The good news is that there are many ways to participate and really make a difference in someone’s life. People in general seem more interested in giving gifts that make a difference in other people's lives. A well-chosen charitable donation made in lieu of a present can be perceived as a profoundly meaningful gesture during a season of thoughtless consumption.

This has always appealed to me so it just made sense to embark on a charitable drive that I have first-hand knowledge of.

As some of you may know, I am currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. I was diagnosed in May 2012 and frankly the entire process since then has been a blur...it's just all happened so fast! I'm close to the end of the chemo sessions (taxol) and then destined for 6 weeks of radiation. Being a  “widowed orphan” and a single mother of two almost adult children, coming to terms with my cancer diagnosis and undergoing chemotherapy has been one very rocky road (and nothing like the ice-cream!)! To top it off, I am self-employed!

 

As you may realise, undergoing treatment has a seriously negative impact on the ability to work and in my case generate any income.  Chemotherapy, complementary medication and other lifestyle changes can be unforeseen surprise! And not one of the good ones!

 

Needless to say, it has been one very challenging year. Thankfully, I am still surviving and will continue to do so but for the grace of God as well as for the care and support of my family and friends.

 I have also learnt that having cancer can be a very lonely ordeal even when surrounded by family and friends.  Psychologically it impacts on a person’s self-esteem, confidence and independence. Physically,  you look and feel like a train wreck. Financially, you learn to live with the basics and contemplate the positive sides of both living and dying.

 

However, If your financial situation is already dire, being diagnosed with cancer just catapults you into an even more difficult struggle. There are many cancer-challenged families out there who are in this very position. My greatest desire is to help these families in any little way that I can. I have called upon many of you in the past to help others in a desperate position and you have been most generous. Thank you.  If there ever was a time that I need your help, it is right now!

I have managed to find Christmas Hampers which contain most needed food items which I would like to distribute to those in need in JHB for now.  The Christmas Hampers consist of both basic and luxury food items housed in any 10 litre bucket with a lid. The total cost of the Hamper is R 150.00. In order to make a difference, I would like to distribute 300 hampers before Christmas Day. With the help of the PLWC (People Living With Cancer), we have identified needy cancer-challenged patients at the Charlotte Maxeke (Jhb Gen) Hospital as well as other patients who are part of the PLWC Support Group.

 

I have not registered a charity as yet, and trust that you will find it in your heart to give generously towards this campaign, as you have done in the past. Perhaps there are others that you may know who may want to give a donation in lieu of a gift this year!  

 

The aim is to make some difference to families afflicted with cancer facing financial crises. Let’s bring a smile to their faces as they remember happier, healthier holiday seasons.

When Christmas bells are swinging above

the fields of snow,

We hear sweet voices ringing from

lands of long ago,

And etched on vacant places

Are half-forgotten faces

Of friends we used to cherish,

and loves we used to know.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life begins at 45?

Life begins at 45?

 

Today, I turned 45 years old. So, officially I am middle-aged. What the heck does that mean? Google (v) and all shall be revealed.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, middle-age is: "The period of life between young adulthood and old age, now usually regarded as between about forty-five and sixty." It is also the period in the lives of middle-aged adults who begin to show visible signs of aging such as loss of skin elasticity (not much as yet!) and graying of the hair (for sure!). Physical fitness usually wanes (Oops, when was it supposed to start?) with a 5–10 kg accumulation of body fat (target reached!), reduction in aerobic performance (Mmmm, aerobics? Yeah right!) and a decrease in maximal heart rate (Nope, 50 Shades tested that theory!). Strength (I have never been told how strong I am, as many times as I have in the past 8-10 years!) and flexibility (Does wiggling my toes count?) also decrease throughout middle age. However, people age at different rates (No kidding!) and there can be significant differences between individuals of the same age. (Halle Berry, arguably one of the world's most beautiful mothers, celebrated her 45th birthday last month at the beach, wearing a coral bikini and looking almost preternaturally gorgeous. Halle Berry says her secrets to staying young are focusing on family, hitting the gym and eating healthy. If it was that easy, we'd all look like Halle Berry.)  Both male and female fertility declines with advancing age. (Thank goodness!)

So it got me thinking: is something going on? Maybe 45 is the new 30, only better. I have been blasted with birthday wishes on every social medium I’m registered on, Facebook, text messages, watsapp, actual phone calls, and even voicemail messages. The most popular question posed to me today: “So, what does it feel like to turn 45?”! Well, it sorts of feels like its somewhere between “I can see my whole life in front of me” and “where did I leave my reading glasses?” Even without glasses, I can see 50 pretty clearly from here.

Even Salusa45 proclaims that once you hit 45, you need a “comprehensive multivitamin, mineral and antioxidant supplement specifically formulated to assist in meeting the changing nutritional requirements of active individuals over the age of 45”. They go on to explain how it’s designed to “help maintain the long term health, mental vitality and well being of individuals as over time, your body changes and becomes increasingly vulnerable to the effects of ageing.”   

Despite Salusa45’s advertisement filled with doom and gloom, my age feels strangely comfortable to me. At 45, I care more about people, and less about what they think of me. I have stopped trying to “find myself,” and started focussing more on myself. At 45, the gap between who I want to be and who I am is getting smaller. Yes, sure my new hair growing on my bald (chemo-induced baldness!) head has accelerated past grey to a beautiful shade of white stubble, I find that laughing and smiling, (which is meant to exercise a lot more muscles than frowning!) has created deep, trenches of what’s affectionately called ‘laugh lines’. The clincher for me was when my chiropractor sent me a birthday text message, which just confirmed that I had turned 45! But weirdly enough I’m happier with myself than I’ve ever been.

Now that I'm officially ‘middle-aged’, I'm okay with it - but the journey hasn’t been easy especially when I consider the traumatic events I’ve had to deal with in the past 8 years. I’ve often referred to the journey I’ve undergone and the signposts I’ve encountered on the way have definitely taught me a thing or two, like:

I do not stress about what everyone thinks about me. Now, if you know me growing up, you would know how I was consumed with pleasing people and worrying about what they thought about the way I looked or what I said or did. This in itself is a miracle. I even wanted those people who I didn’t like to still like me. What an absolute waste of time. Now, if people like me, that's great, if they don't, that's okay too. I know who I am and I know who I'm not.

I no longer allow negative, energy-vampires to have a place in my life.  You know those people who always manage to leave you feeling worse rather than better? Even if the negative people in your life are family, who you are inadvertently stuck with, limit the amount of face-time with them. I've learned to surround myself with positive, supportive friends and family.

I say "no" to people more often than I ever did. I used to feel that I had to accept every invitation I could so that I wouldn't hurt anybody’s feelings. Finally, I just said no, thank you, I can't. That's it. It was extremely liberating to learn that it did not cause a major catastrophe, nobody hated me, and life went on. What a revelation!

I will never look like what I did look like in my twenties. Now when I look back at old photos of my skinny days, I feel content…been there, done that and worn the bikini in broad daylight on the beach! I'm just so grateful that I am healthy enough to fight this cancer, and that's what's most important.  This over-inflated body of mine has been through the wins and the wars, giving birth to two beautiful and healthy children, giving free hugs to all who need it, partied all night, played with kids and danced in the rain (Yup! The best feeling in the whole world!).

At this point in my life, I am proud of all that I have achieved up to now, and I know that the Wildly Improbable Goals I’ve set are sure to take me a considerable amount of years to attain. I plan on making all my dreams come true knowing that I will probably have to make a number of sacrifices again, also knowing that I will make a number of new mistakes again. But, this time, I will be less hard on myself, forgive myself more like I’m quick to forgive others.

Big dreams, big goals, life-long lessons…can I do it all? Probably not, but I sure as hell am going to try!