Life begins at 45?

Life begins at 45?

 

Today, I turned 45 years old. So, officially I am middle-aged. What the heck does that mean? Google (v) and all shall be revealed.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, middle-age is: "The period of life between young adulthood and old age, now usually regarded as between about forty-five and sixty." It is also the period in the lives of middle-aged adults who begin to show visible signs of aging such as loss of skin elasticity (not much as yet!) and graying of the hair (for sure!). Physical fitness usually wanes (Oops, when was it supposed to start?) with a 5–10 kg accumulation of body fat (target reached!), reduction in aerobic performance (Mmmm, aerobics? Yeah right!) and a decrease in maximal heart rate (Nope, 50 Shades tested that theory!). Strength (I have never been told how strong I am, as many times as I have in the past 8-10 years!) and flexibility (Does wiggling my toes count?) also decrease throughout middle age. However, people age at different rates (No kidding!) and there can be significant differences between individuals of the same age. (Halle Berry, arguably one of the world's most beautiful mothers, celebrated her 45th birthday last month at the beach, wearing a coral bikini and looking almost preternaturally gorgeous. Halle Berry says her secrets to staying young are focusing on family, hitting the gym and eating healthy. If it was that easy, we'd all look like Halle Berry.)  Both male and female fertility declines with advancing age. (Thank goodness!)

So it got me thinking: is something going on? Maybe 45 is the new 30, only better. I have been blasted with birthday wishes on every social medium I’m registered on, Facebook, text messages, watsapp, actual phone calls, and even voicemail messages. The most popular question posed to me today: “So, what does it feel like to turn 45?”! Well, it sorts of feels like its somewhere between “I can see my whole life in front of me” and “where did I leave my reading glasses?” Even without glasses, I can see 50 pretty clearly from here.

Even Salusa45 proclaims that once you hit 45, you need a “comprehensive multivitamin, mineral and antioxidant supplement specifically formulated to assist in meeting the changing nutritional requirements of active individuals over the age of 45”. They go on to explain how it’s designed to “help maintain the long term health, mental vitality and well being of individuals as over time, your body changes and becomes increasingly vulnerable to the effects of ageing.”   

Despite Salusa45’s advertisement filled with doom and gloom, my age feels strangely comfortable to me. At 45, I care more about people, and less about what they think of me. I have stopped trying to “find myself,” and started focussing more on myself. At 45, the gap between who I want to be and who I am is getting smaller. Yes, sure my new hair growing on my bald (chemo-induced baldness!) head has accelerated past grey to a beautiful shade of white stubble, I find that laughing and smiling, (which is meant to exercise a lot more muscles than frowning!) has created deep, trenches of what’s affectionately called ‘laugh lines’. The clincher for me was when my chiropractor sent me a birthday text message, which just confirmed that I had turned 45! But weirdly enough I’m happier with myself than I’ve ever been.

Now that I'm officially ‘middle-aged’, I'm okay with it - but the journey hasn’t been easy especially when I consider the traumatic events I’ve had to deal with in the past 8 years. I’ve often referred to the journey I’ve undergone and the signposts I’ve encountered on the way have definitely taught me a thing or two, like:

I do not stress about what everyone thinks about me. Now, if you know me growing up, you would know how I was consumed with pleasing people and worrying about what they thought about the way I looked or what I said or did. This in itself is a miracle. I even wanted those people who I didn’t like to still like me. What an absolute waste of time. Now, if people like me, that's great, if they don't, that's okay too. I know who I am and I know who I'm not.

I no longer allow negative, energy-vampires to have a place in my life.  You know those people who always manage to leave you feeling worse rather than better? Even if the negative people in your life are family, who you are inadvertently stuck with, limit the amount of face-time with them. I've learned to surround myself with positive, supportive friends and family.

I say "no" to people more often than I ever did. I used to feel that I had to accept every invitation I could so that I wouldn't hurt anybody’s feelings. Finally, I just said no, thank you, I can't. That's it. It was extremely liberating to learn that it did not cause a major catastrophe, nobody hated me, and life went on. What a revelation!

I will never look like what I did look like in my twenties. Now when I look back at old photos of my skinny days, I feel content…been there, done that and worn the bikini in broad daylight on the beach! I'm just so grateful that I am healthy enough to fight this cancer, and that's what's most important.  This over-inflated body of mine has been through the wins and the wars, giving birth to two beautiful and healthy children, giving free hugs to all who need it, partied all night, played with kids and danced in the rain (Yup! The best feeling in the whole world!).

At this point in my life, I am proud of all that I have achieved up to now, and I know that the Wildly Improbable Goals I’ve set are sure to take me a considerable amount of years to attain. I plan on making all my dreams come true knowing that I will probably have to make a number of sacrifices again, also knowing that I will make a number of new mistakes again. But, this time, I will be less hard on myself, forgive myself more like I’m quick to forgive others.

Big dreams, big goals, life-long lessons…can I do it all? Probably not, but I sure as hell am going to try!